Yevva - Polyamory Explained

A banana, eggplant and cucumber depicting a polyamorous relationship

Sex Jul 01, 2020

Polyamory Explained

G SsygalaEzinne Ogwumah +2 authors

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When August Alsina dropped the bomb, (or well, just confirmed what some of us already knew) about his relationship with Jada Pinkett-Smith, social media went agog!

Jada is happily married to Will Smith, the sexy Fresh Prince of Belair. They have grown, super woke kids together and seem to have an AMAZING relationship from all looks of things, so when August not only admitted to the relationship but how he felt about Jada, it was like flame, meet gasoline.

Excerpt from his Interview:

I actually sat down with Will and had a conversation due to the transformation from their marriage to life partnership that they've spoken on several times not involving romanticism.

He gave me his blessing and I totally gave myself to that relationship for years of my life and I truly and really really deeply loved and have a ton of love for her (Jada)

I devoted myself to it, I gave my full self to it so much so to the point that I can die right now and be ok with knowing that I truly gave myself to somebody and I really loved a person. I experienced that and know what that feels like

Awww, ain't that sweet. Someone should have made that boy sign an NDA!!!

One thing is constant about individuals, and that is the unwillingness to release ourselves from societal norms. It was impossible for people outside their marriage to understand why Will and Jada would be so open to seeing other people, I mean, he allegedly had a conversation with her HUSBAND who gave him permission to date his wife! - mind blown!

That sense of security, openness, love and freewill while still under the garment of a committed partnership, is what we know as POLYAMORY.

For most people, being in an open marriage is a crazy idea and they would rather die dissatisfied than give themselves an opportunity to feel love and happiness based off of "what people would say or think"

But my thing has always been, if you're going to sneak around doing it, might as well be open about it and give everyone peace. No? Because a whole lot of marriages are open, only difference between them and the Smiths' is the fact that only one partner knows about this "open" arrangement.

What is polyamory?

Polyamory sounds a little bit like - "I love you, I don't want to leave you, but I want to see other people"

A monogamist would probably say this sounds like utter bollocks, but to a polyamorist the honesty earns you points.

To be polyamorous means to have open intimate or romantic relationship with more than one person at a time. It could be heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual or gay.

Relationships between polyamorous people can include combinations of people of different sexual orientations.

Zell Ravenheart first mentioned the word in an article in 1990, and when asked to define it by the Oxford English Dictionary, she said polyamory is;

The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved

While the term has generally become the umbrella for cheating, non-monogamy and other forms of non-exclusivity, polyamory rejects the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for long-term, committed, deep and loving relationships.

There are different forms of polyamorous relationships that go beyond a couple inviting a third party (unicorn) into their bed.

Structures of Polyamory

a picture of 3 pairs of legs depicting polyamory

- KTP (Kitchen Table Polyamory)

This is some sort of polycule (community of partners). The partners aren't weird or uneasy and don't find it awkward to be around each other, and possibly can all be invited to a place for joint celebration.

Call it an orgy (sometimes) if you will...

- PP (Parallel Polyamory)

Here, members of individual relationships prefer not to meet or know details of their partners' other relationships. The partners all run in parallels and don't interact with each other.

So, i'm in a relationship with you, you're in a relationship with your other partner and our 2 separate relationships progress without connecting to each other.

Classic example of stay in your lane and enjoy it

- SP (Solo Polyamory)

In this here case, an individual is comfortable with being in multiple intimate relationships without wanting to cohabit or commit to any partner. No lies, no deception, and no "relationship escalator" therefore, no expectations of the normal progression; from dating, to being exclusive, to becoming engaged, getting married and having children.

They are for lack of a better word, freewillies and take life (and partners) as they come

If you've read up to this point, you're probably questioning the dynamics and values of such an arrangement. What are the rules? Are they happy?Well, Yes! I suppose they are, below here are a few terms of engagement;

  • Loyalty and fidelity aren't defined differently. A secret relationship is STILL a breach of trust.
  • There is a lot of constant honest & hard communication and negotiation.
  • In the spirit of trust, honesty, dignity and respect, there is no tolerance but acceptance; This applies to your partner's partner or partners and vice versa.
  • There are feelings of jealousy and possessiveness that should never be discredited. They are explored by both parties affected to understand why and to find a resolve.
  • Polyamory also boasts of the privilege of emotional intimacy as opposed to just having sexual intimacies. Everyone involved is human and should be treated tenderly. Sometimes one may find themselves in love with all partners - equally!

However, if you have been contemplating it, here are some pointers to note before agreeing to go into a polyamorous relationship with your partner

  • Come to an agreement to make your relationship primary, tbh if they have to sign in blood that's just fine.
  • Your relationship must be healthy. A healthy relationship is filled with trust, honesty and devoid of insecurities.
  • Open conversations and confrontations to get past any form of hidden resentment and reach a point of goodwill.
  • Everyone must give consent and have a clear knowledge of what polyamory entails.
  • While the term "jealousy" is an occurring term in monogamy, In polyamory it is the opposite and feelings of compersion are quite prevalent and should be embraced.

A partner who isn't polyamorous but appreciates their partner who is, can be called a Poly Oz. They take a satisfactory feel from their partner being in another relationship that is satisfying as well.

For a polyamorous partner, there are two classifications:

Poly-socio:

Taking joy in knowing that your "beloveds" are expressing love for each other too.

More than two:

That feeling of joy that stems from the liberty of both parties being able to create other relationships outside of theirs and sharing in the joy that they are both experiencing from those connections.

I know it all sounds crazy, but it's 2020, things can't get any crazier, plus these things have always been. We are only just speaking on them and our voices are loud-er because of social media.

In conclusion, if monogamy is your thing. NEVER dabble into polyamory. It makes you question many things and would shake the core of all you believe in. Remember, you can't hit the undo button if it goes badly.

But, we learn every day. Don't we?